The greatest thing about all this is that it can be applied to family, friends, partners, and strangers. It can work for anyone and with anyone. In any social environment or interaction, these things convey meaning.

Social Editing: The concept of editing social situations through various methods intended to better suit a situation to your liking.

There are many ways in which someone can edit a social situation. It sounds quite complicated, but actually, you probably do it everyday. A smile, a glare, a wink, acting sad, showing no interest are all forms of social editing. They let other people know how you feel, (or pretend to feel) and can manipulate a situation to your liking through the impression given off by these edits. It's nothing that we need to feel bad about. We are all "social actors" as a famous sociologist, Erwing Goffman (1963) puts it. We will always pretend to be a little more sad, or happy, or tough than in fact we are for the very same purpose - to manipulate a social situation. The ritual of interaction. There are two main categories of social edits: Verbal, and visual.

VISUAL EDITING

• Smiling
  This is used to show appreciation, or happiness. It can be effective when someone says something that you like, or does something that you like. It is quite often an excellent way to show appreciation. More so than simply saying it! A smile can be a very effective tool, but beware, a forced smile can have a negative effect. A half-smile is very effective in showing an improving situation that is still really difficult.
  
• Nodding
  This shows an understanding or agreeance. It can also be used to show respect or that someone is listening. These large amounts of separate meanings can be confusing, and it greatly depends on the context, or whether it is done once, or multiple times. A single nod is usually associated with respect. A short series of multiple nods give off the impression of agreeance, or understanding. When done to excess, it is usually obvious that the person is taking it too far, and that there is no meaning behind the nodding. That there is no understanding. Also, it's really annoying. Beware of that. Use this feature in small doses.
  
• Eye-contact
  This symbolises honesty. Many people will say that it is very hard to look someone in the eye and lie. This much is true. Eye-contact usually reassures someone that you are being honest. Too much symbolises insecurity. Too little symbolises dishonesty. Have a good moderation for the situation that you are in. The more important the situation, the more eye-contact will be expected. In this sense, not doing this is also a way of telling someone that a situation is not important to you. Widening of the eyes can symbolise even more importance, as can stopping speech, or the complete lac of any verbal communication. In this sense, it is entirely possible to "talk with your eyes".  
  
• Glaring
  Unlike eye-contact, a glare is used to show resentment, or propose a challenge. It is common between strangers, people who don't know each other so well, and people who know but don't like each other. This is actually quite a dangerous social edit to use. Repercussions can occur when/if you are noticed by others, or when you are the first to break the glare. An idea to abandon this (if already into it) is to smile, or blink.
  
• Blinking
  Symbolises comfort or interest. In obvious cases, it can represent tiredness. If you are looking at someone, and you blink but keep looking, it usually means that you are looking for an innocent or acceptable reason, and shall continue to do so even after being discovered. It can also help someone who is talking to be sure that you still have their attention.
  
• Winking
  This is used to symbolise trust. It can also be a friendly greeting. Typical of a charismatic male. It is a great edit when used with (say) a hand shake. It is an unnecessary visual aid that shows acceptance and honesty.
  
• Tilting of the head
  This symbolises confusion. Usually a 30 degree turn is typical.
  
• Raising of the eye-brow
  Depending on the context, it can mean a sexual interest, or a visual question mark. When raised, and left, it represents a question mark. When raised repeatedly in quick succession, it symbolises a sexual interest. Usually, the latter is used at the users own risk. It is a good subtle message, although it is often picked up on.
  
• Talking with hands
  This is often used to either emphasise what is being said, give a visual aid so that listeners can have a better picture, or to symbolise high levels of emotion. This should match the image that you are showing, be it excited, sad, happy, or whatever. If you are talking about something you are excited about, it's appropriate to swing your arms around wildly to show your feeling for the topic. Likewise, if you are down, small but noticeable arm-movements should be included to better convey your sadness.
  
• Looking down
  This symbolises shame, regret or guilt. It can be used when this feeling does not apply to gain sympathy. Usually, when talking about something bad that you have done, if you don't look down, it may seem like you do not feel bad about it, or don't regret having done it. If overused, it may symbolise a confidence problem. It's a good idea to select very carefully the times that this is used.
  
• Rolling eyes
  "Whatever." This is used to inform someone that either they, or something that either of you are talking about is what you would consider ridiculous. That that thing is silly.
  

As you can see, there are many ways in which you can visually manipulate a situation. They are probably given off each day, and may be misunderstood by yourself and others. The meanings are not well known. It is not an exact science. These visual aids will account for a large percentage of communication. Hopefully, this can give you a social advantage for understanding not only what others mean, but what you, yourself mean when you are acting out these messages - truthfully, or not.

VERBAL EDITING

• Tone
  Tone is a very important part of communication. Not as much as visual editing, although the importance is large. Tone can convey many things. If you have a serious tone, people are more likely to take you seriously. Same goes for humor. A particular tone is better suited for that. Usually, this can be achieved through how high or low-pitched your voice is, although you can also emphasise certain words that are important. This also goes under the heading of tone. "Don't you see that >TIME< is the problem(?) Not you." For example. Anyone who's seen their dad when he's angry will know what I mean.
  
• How you say something
  Probably equally important as tone, how you say something can have dramatic effects on a situation. You can use formal language, or colloquial language (slang). You can be polite or direct. You can be open or defensive. How you say something might just relate to the kind of words that you use. In a situation where talking to a teacher for example, you might want to say something like "Unfortunately, certain activities had prevented me from completing my homework." as opposed to "Nah, didn't manage to get it done, sunshine." This is a fairly obvious example, although categorising the ways of talking to specific people can be worked out and used to better suit a situation.
  
• What you say
  Strangely enough, what you say only accounts for about 5% of communication. All the other factors make up the vast majority of the messages that are given off in a social environment. Nevertheless, what you say is still important. It is the specific meaning of communication. Without this, someone may think "Happy. Trusts me. Is emotional about this situation. Feels good about it...but what do they want?" In contrast to this, only displaying a message of what you say tells nothing about any of the other factors. If the factors don't fit then people get confused ("Happy. Feels guilty. Is showing interest in what I'm saying. Is glaring at me. Has asked me about a sporting event.???"). Make sure that what you say fits nicely in with the other messages that you are giving off.
  

These are the basic categories of verbal editing with a little bit of information on each. Remember to connect each method with others. How you say something should reflect what you are saying, and emphasise it. Again, this is just to raise understanding of your own messages that you are giving off, and those of others.        

Overall
These methods are best used when understood and observed. Improper use of these methods can give off messages that are not intended to be given. If they don't connect to each other in some way, they may confuse people. Instead of trying to use each one, see which ones would work the best for you in any given situation. Try them out. If they don't work, find out what went wrong, and try again. Low risk situations are best for these type of trials, (such as talking to shopkeepers).

These issues relate to being able to better express yourself, and to better understand what people mean, not only through verbal messages, but through visual ones too. These techniques can be used by anyone. Moreover, they probably are used by everyone from time to time. You may feel that you have to be a social god/goddess. Not the case. Anyone who can understand and apply these techniques in front of a mirror can potentially use them. You can probably think of loads more of your own! Having said that, confidence is an issue. It takes courage to step outside your comfort zone and (say) wink at a friend to symbolise trust. However, once you can do this and get a positive reaction (which you will understand) then your confidence will grow so that you can do it again, and again, and again (and so on and so forth).

The greatest thing about all this is that it can be applied to family, friends, partners, and strangers. It can work for anyone and with anyone. In any social environment or interaction, these things convey meaning.

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Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.

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If confidence is an issue with this, check out this great site which will help with similar techniques in regard to confidence.

Also, feel free to check out my topic on Awkward social moments.

Post edited at 1:15 pm on Oct. 11, 2006 by x FENRIS x

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99% terror free

This is another social technique used to gain favor with a person or group. It can be very effective when done properly. There are many benefits from applying mental stroking in the right situation.

Mental stroking: To literally stroke someone mentally. A mental massage.

It might still be a bit unclear as to what this actually involves. Some examples of mental stroking are: telling someone they look nice, saying that they are good people, bowing to someone, shaking hands...anything that makes a person (or group) feel good about themselves.

The idea of mental stroking is different to giving a compliment or showing respect. That may be involved, but that's not the purpose of this. It is deliberately making someone feel good about themselves motivated by personal advancement (which is ok). It can be something which you really think or not. The idea is to make someone feel better about themselves.

Cynically, you can look at it as putting money into a bank. Every time you do this, that's like making a deposit. You can gain interest on it, and withdraw money whenever you want to. Like with baking, you must invest the in the right bank, and with an appropriate amount. Sometimes, the currency will not always be as you expected it to be. This is the reality. It's an incredibly effective technique that everyone does.

Some examples of this (and the effect intended for the recipient) are as follows:

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Have you been working out? You look great!

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I really agreed with what you just said. I was thinking that for a long time but couldn't put it into words.

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This is the best relationship I've ever been in.

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You're a great friend.

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You're a good/great mom/dad

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That was really nice of you. It's great to see that some people in this world still care.

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Wow, you play (tennis) so well. I know who I'm comming to if I ever take up the sport.

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This meal is delicious. It's not every night that I'm exposed to such a fine cuisine.

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I love comming here. You guys are too nice to me.

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Yes sir. I always do what you say because you are usually right.

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I can see where your daughter gets her good looks from.

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I can always count on you.

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You have probably noticed that these examples would probably have to be followed up on. You might get a "really?". Go back to the analogy of putting money in a bank. Once a stroke is given, it doesn't immediately sink in. People might not believe what they are hearing. It's not expected. Call that 5 points in your bank. Once they ask ("really?") you can follow up with something like "yeah, totally! It's so nice that you think that because people like that usually know what they are talking about. I know you do." So lets call that 15 points after that has cleared up. They have believed their ears, and the points have been explained. This is why the importance of "why" is so important. You not only need to know what to compliment them on, but you also need to be able to explain why you think it's so great.

Compliment > Wait for response > Reassurance and elaboration

Discounted strokes

A discounted stroke is similar to a mental stroke, although it has the opposite effect. It's when you start to compliment someone, but it turns into a negative comment. The stroke is discounted, hence the title. This can be done deliberately, or accidentally. It is either a very effective way to draw someone in to hit them hard, or a terrible botch of a mental stroke.

Some examples of this are:

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I'd like to say thanks. You've been really great this last week for not being as mean as you usually are.

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It's nice to see that you've taken some time out to be more mindful of not embarressing yourself.

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It's really great that you never seem to get down about all this. It's amazing! I'd be so upset if I was always wrong.

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Wow, this meal isn't bad. I was expecting it to be terrible.

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I'm so glad that you were honest with me...makes a change.

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Obviously, this technique is to be used at your own peril. It comes out in different ways but can put someone down pretty hard. Discounted strokes are like drawing money out of that bank account (accidentally), or just showing the bank that you don't care about the account you have with them. Once used, these are very difficult to recover from.

Post edited at 6:58 pm on Oct. 12, 2006 by x FENRIS x

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99% terror free